Dear Melissa,

My question has to do with my guy Mike. I have known him for three years and he is married so our friendship / relationship is not based on just sex but a bond and trust we have for each other. I don’t want to influence him in any way to leave his wife, that has to be his choice and in his time. Do I wait or go? My heart says wait, hang in there. My head tells me are you nuts! Where does his heart stand with me? And what does he really want? What do I need to learn while I am waiting?
Thank You! Stuck!
Dear Stuck!
I know that this must be a hard thing for you to be going through right now, so I want to start off by saying thank you for trusting in me and spiritual guidance to help you navigate this situation and help can see clearly. This is very delicate, so I want you to also know that there is no judgement on my part, just an open channel of love for you.
When I read this I definitely heard is that you are indeed “waiting” for this man because he is not available right now, nor is he in a position to be open for you in a relationship. But when I say to you that he is not available what I mean is that, yes, he might be married but that is not why he is unavailable. So lets shine some light on him.
I feel that he is unavailable in all of his relationships be it his marriage, with you, friends or family. He is a person that has a hard time making a commitment because he is afraid he will loose something if he commits. Why I feel this is important is because we need to take you out of the picture so you can see what he is going through and how he shows up in life. He feels like if he makes drastic changes in thinking it will solve problems but it never does. No matter what he thinks it does not hit the root of the issue for himself. I feel like one day he will make a choice for himself that is productive without spinning his wheels. I have the hope that he will get clear with himself and realize that he has to find his own answers to peace and happiness.
I feel that he does care about you and that he is as authentic as he can be with you. I also feel that you give him something that he is not able to receive from anyone else. There is a great connection between the two of you. However, it is a safe feeling that he has with you while he is unavailable. He does not have to worry about the commitment thing with you so you are safe. The reason I say this is because if he leaves his relationship, you need to make sure he has worked on himself or else he will recreate the same thing with you that he had with his wife.

As far as what he wants, he does not know. He wants to feel peace in his heart and until he stops searching everywhere else and starts looking inside himself he will not find it.
What do you need to learn? You need to ask yourself why you are putting your life on hold. Is there a safety you find with him because he is unavailable? I feel that you have a trend of dating men that are emotionally unavailable. So I feel what you need to learn during this time is what you truly want in life. What are you worth to yourself? Allow yourself to feel that your head and your heart and your gut are all in alignment. I feel like you need to look at your part in this waiting game and heal your past relationships. If he is ready or if you choose to let someone else in, you need to have your side of the street clean and be ready for an amazing relationship. You are worth it!
You both are amazing people, but you each need to heal your own lives and clean up both of your “baggage” before you can move on. The gift is that you both have an opportunity to heal and work on yourselves. Once the work is complete you can make clean decisions and potentially move in a GREAT direction.

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