Submit Your Dear Melissa

My Mom

My mom passed away October 6, 2013 at 9:38 PM MST.

Now I want to share my journey with you and thank you for being a part of it!

It all began 3 months ago with a phone call from the hotel my mom was living at in Mexico. I was informed that she was malnourished and unable to walk. I asked a dear friend who was in Mexico to go see her and get her into the hospital. When he got there he informed us that she was in a very bad way. I was frustrated and struggling with my feelings because Hilda was an alcoholic and I felt that once again she was in bad shape from her own doing.

We kept her in the hospital for four days so we could get her well enough to get on a plane to come back to the US to live with us.  Our dear friend took her to the airport and packed all her belongings for shipping.

I will never forget when I saw my mother at the airport. She was in a wheelchair and was maybe 90 lbs. She was unable to walk and I soon learned she was in need of adult diapers. I was in shock. She was only 63 years old.

I was filled with rage because I thought her drinking really did her in this time. I tried to care for her myself but I couldn’t do it alone. I took her to the hospital here and the doctors said they felt she had cirrhosis and Wernicke’s encephalopathy. The amount of care she needed Sean and I could not provide so we began looking at moving her into an assisted living facility. That was a really hard pill to swallow thinking that she was going to have to live in a home for the rest of her life.

After a week and a half in the hospital the doctors decided they wanted to do a colonoscopy before they released her. That Friday Sean, Parker and I where driving to dinner when the doctor called to tell me that they had found a mass in her colon. My mom had stage 4 colon cancer. At that moment I was in so much shock. We immediately went from looking at assisted living to  knowing she was going to die. All of our plans changed and it became important to me to have my mom come home.

Hilda did not want to know her diagnosis and this made it extremely hard on me. I was so frustrated. Although she knew she had cancer she did not know how bad it was, however, she made the decision to have chemo. Her treatments where once every two weeks and during that time I was her caretaker. This was trying at times but it was a blessing. The most amazing thing happened. She was not having pain or side effects to the chemo!  Also, during this journey, everywhere I went starting from day one at the hospital I had either friends or clients working at the places we went to! Everywhere from the hospital to rehab to the cancer center.

On Friday it was my mom’s third chemo treatment and we got the results that her tumor markers were down. It was hard not to have hope but at the same time there would not be a miracle that would happen for her either. The next day I went to work. When I got home I walked in and found my mom had had a stroke. We called 911 and she was readmitted to the hospital. She had minimal damage, however, the look in her eyes was changed. It was now as if she had given up hope. She spent four days in the hospital during which time I had a heart to heart talk with the head of neurology. He told me there was nothing he could do to prevent future strokes because of mom’s internal bleeds. But he said to me, “You need to bring her home and spend what time you have left with her.”  It became very real that we were at the end. I think I knew in my head but somewhere in my heart I believed that she would keep going.

Hilda and I did not have the easiest life together. Growing up with an alcoholic was hard and trying at times and the past seven years her drinking went to new levels. We placed her in many detox places as well took her to Mexico for a fresh start. She just never seemed to get it. The constant stress from worrying about her became very tiring on me and my family. I prayed that she would get herself healthy so when I got the call she was ill it was devastating. Knowing that she was now dying from cancer, I hoped that she would not avoid death like she did life.

Coming home after the stroke she was not the same. I started to get really worried because she was sleeping a lot.  I called the at home health doctor who came out to visit on Sunday. Mom’s blood pressure had dropped and the doctor suggested it was time for Hospice. I asked how long she felt my mom had to live and she looked at me and said, “Two weeks.”  (She was right. Mom died two weeks later on a Sunday.)

So I waited and I watched and I cared for her. Wednesday morning when I woke up she was trying to get out of bed. She was bright eyed and bushy tailed! She was so happy and talkative, making jokes and full of life. And she treated me so special. I had not seen her like that since I was a little kid.  I was so in shock that I decided to call the nurse and ask her what was going on because I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. The nurse said it was called the “last serge of energy” and that I needed to enjoy it. She said sometimes it lasts for hours, sometimes days. That particular day was amazing!  We laughed and ate and most amazingly, Parker played with her. You see, Parker had a hard time with my mom. They were so close but before we left Mexico her drinking had started to take a toll and Parker withdrew. It was hard to watch my daughter try to process everything that was happening now. But on that Wednesday Parker came into her room and sat with us and played with us put make-up on Hilda just like she used to. The “serge” carried on until Thursday and come Friday she started sleeping a lot again. The nurse felt she could go at anytime, however she was not done yet. The emotional roller coaster was getting harder, care-taking for her and some of the things I experienced and saw were getting even harder still.

As the weekend came and went she was sleeping more and more and slowly getting more confused and struggling to find words. She was in no pain which was a blessing. Tuesday morning I found myself talking to the nurse and telling her that my mom kept looking at me as if she needed to say something. The nurse said she felt it was time to have a talk with Hilda because she felt that maybe she was holding on for some reason. So we sat down together and talked with my mom. After realizing that Hilda didn’t understand hospice, the nurse explained to her that hospice is called when a person has less than six months to live. Upon hearing this she looked at me and then the nurse and then she started to cry realizing that she was going to die. The nurse told her, ” I am not telling you this to hurt you but to help you. You don’t have to say anything but your daughter might have something to say.” The nurse then looked at me and said, “Do you want to say something to your mom?” I looked at her and said, “Mom, I love you so much. I am so happy you are here with me and I can take care of you. I need to tell you that I know we had some hard times but you need to know that I forgive you and love you.”  My mom started to cry and just stared at me. The nurse gave us such a gift. My mom looked relieved and I was able to talk to her more after the nurse left.  She looked at me as her eyes said sorry and reached out for me and said I love you followed by a kiss. I felt so free for the first time. I was able to say that I truly forgave her for everything and she looked at peace. For the next few days she laid in bed with a smile on her face like she was relieved and had  truly found peace for the first time in her life.

The nurse felt Hilda would pass any time now but my mom seemed to be holding on to something, I really believe it was that she truly found peace. Starting on Friday she started to have some pain in her chest so we started medicating her to help with the pain. By Saturday she was sleeping more and complaining of more pain. I called the weekend nurse and she came out and told me it was time to start the morphine. The nurse felt the time was very near. That night I had to start her on Morphine and other meds every hour. It was a long night.  Sean took over at 7 AM so I could sleep. When I woke up at 12 and walked in a room she was making a noise that seemed to say, “Where have you been????” The nurse came by and again was shocked that she was still going. Later that afternoon the health aid care giver and I were there when my uncle called. My mom and him have not talked in eight years. He asked if I could put the phone up to her ear so he was able to say his goodbyes. I was trying to think what else was she holding on for. Then I felt that maybe she needed to make peace with my dad even though there marriage had been over for 33 years. Maybe there was still something there she needed to have closure on?

You know, they say that people can hear you even though they are not conscious. I always had a hard time believing that. I thought it was just something people say to make you feel better. Well, my mom had a heart monitor on her finger and her heart rate had been consistently 144 to 154 for hours. I texted my dad saying it was the end if he wanted to call he could. When he did, I put the phone up to my mom’s ear and her heart rate dropped to 90. The care giver and I looked at each other in shock! When my dad was done I pulled the phone away and her heart rate went back up to 154.  I told my dad what happened and he asked to talk to her again and as soon as he started to talk her heart rate went back down to 90. After he was done she had another change downhill. I truly believed she could hear everything.

After that the nurse, aid, kids, and I sat around looking at old pictures sharing stories and laughing. The aid gave her a bath and we put a dress on her. I asked the nurse again how long she thought??? I was shocked she was still going. I then remembered what the other nurse said to me–”Sometimes a person wants to die alone and she might wait for you to leave.” My biggest fear was for her to die alone since alone is how she felt her whole life!  But it was 9:30 and the nurse said we should all leave the room and see if that is what she is waiting for. So everyone left but I stayed behind to say goodbye.

I was sitting next to her and this is what I said, “Mom ,I love you so much, I am so grateful we had this journey and you allowed me to be here with you. Thank you for choosing me and adopting me. I am lucky to have you as a mom. I respect your wishes if you would like to die alone, however, I want to give you one last chance….. If you want me to be here and hold your hand til the end you need to give me a sign to stay.” Just after I said that her breathing changed significantly so I moved to the other side of the bed and rubbed her head and held her hand saying it was OK to go and please be free, I will be OK. I said that over and over as she took her last six breaths of air. She gave me the last thing I wanted for her: to not die alone.

Thank you for being on this journey with me. It is hard to lose your mom but also hard to be in the role of a caretaker for three months. This journey has been a wild ride. I am truly grateful. My biggest fear was she would die and we would not have closure. I got more than I could have ever expected. I thank my friends and family for their support and most of all I thank the Heartland Hospice staff. Because of them my nurse gave me gifts I never would have received.

I know my mom is now at peace yet my heart still hurts.

 

 

Looking For My Spirit

Dear Melissa,

I tried to blind myself of my abilities many years ago. It worked well, though not completely blocking everything out. I decided about a year ago to accept and embrace my abilities. Once I did, I felt a happiness, a knowing that this is what’s been missing from my life. But, I still have a block and I can’t figure out what it is. I’m feeling an ache, as though something is within reach but I’m not able to touch it. Any advice or sense of the direction I need to take or what the block is?

Thank you so much.
Looking for my spirit

Dear looking for my spirit,

Thank you for sharing your story! I can relate to it so much as it hits a familiar cord in my soul. I remember being a little girl and having experiences. I shut them off as a child because I did not have anyone to help me understand. With situations like this, as time goes on you feel different from others and try to fit in any way you can. It is almost like you conform who to what others want you to be.

I feel for you that you worked so hard to be something that never fit for you. There were times when you turned off your gifts and you had to do things that might not have been in true alignment with who you are. It put you in situations that were dangerous for you. As you slowly started to see the light and realize that this was not who you truly were, your spirit slowly started to awaken.

You have done a great job in turning your gifts back on and it is such a blessing to feel as though you are finally living your true hearts desire. Tuning into your energy, it is such a gift to see what an amazing transformation you have made in your life!

Tuning into your life to see what the block might be, I feel that you have some areas in your life that feel like you still have not forgiven yourself and others. There is some healing that needs to be done. Now I know you have done a lot of work, but there is still some areas, like with your parents. The block is that you are not allowing yourself or giving yourself full permission to be in your power and allow yourself to be true to you!

You are well on your way so please do not get discouraged. I feel that you are breaking down this block and what I want you to do is reflect back to different situations in your life that you felt less than or when you felt that you could not be in your power. Start from the beginning until now. As you look at the different situations that come up, what you want to do is consider what you could have done to be empowered or to have had a different experience. Doing this allows for subtle energy shifts that actually heal the situation in your own personal vibration. This will take time but as you do this work you will break the block and be complete in your gifts! Stay strong!
xo M

 

Buster’s Mom

Dearest Melissa,

Thank you for this space to express my feelings. I read all these posts and could relate. I am like okkkay this is too coincidental that I could relate with you on the doggie posts and being stuck.
We had to put our beloved puppy of 16 years also back in September and still feel so sad. Buster was my first pet and he was such an awesome dog. He was like my baby, as God didn’t have children written in my books, at least not yet, perhaps soon? Only time would tell.
Buster was the kewlest loving passionate dog anyone could ever ask for. I know he is with me always and I think about him a lot. I ask him to tell me how it is up there in heaven and what he does during the days and nights and give me a sign that he is a okayyyy and still watching over us. Thank you for any healing insight.
In love and gratitude… Busters Mom

 

Dear Buster’s Mom,

First of all thank you for letting me connect with Buster. You’re  right, he is pretty cool!  As I started to tune into his energy, it was funny because he sat down, cocked his head to the right, his left ear perked up higher than the right and his eyes looked deeply at me and spoke a thousand words. Buster was definitely here to help. I feel like he helped people that were nervous. For example, if you had someone come over to your house that was worried, anxious or nervous, he would sit in front of them and try to energetically balance them out. He was/is truly gifted with this. It was his goal to help spread calm and peace to everyone he encountered.

This was his first time coming here as a dog. He was so excited to come into your life as you both taught each other and learned together. You both have a great past life connection and I can also say that this is not the last life that you will be connected. He is very much around you. I feel that he is also a guide for you and working with you and others to help create a balance and release anxiety.

I believe that all spirits have jobs on the other side. I feel like Buster is helping others cross over. More specifically he is helping spirits that are afraid of transitioning to the other side. He is helping them to feel safe and calm to let their spirit go. He is truly amazing and working hard still helping mankind.

The signs that he says that he shows you are moving things around or knocking then off a table. He also says that he plays your favorite song. He says he is here to support you, so please call on him whenever you need his help and support. He is doing AMAZING! He loves you!

Thank you xo M

P.S. Yes to you having a baby coming into your life!

 

Is Anybody Out There

Dear Melissa,
In December I lost someone that I loved very much and I miss him. I speak to him daily and I often write him letters. My question is, does he know? Can he hear me? We had a problem in our relationship before he passed and I did not get to say good-bye to him, his death was sudden and I know that he was unhappy the day he passed. I need him to forgive. Is this possible? I have found Jesus through his death however and I am studying the bible. My grief is less because of Jesus being in my life.

Thank you,
Is anybody out there?
 
Dear Is Anybody out there,
 
I want to start off by saying I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard when we lose someone that we care for. We all have our own way that we process the passing and it is hard not to start searching for answers, but please allow yourself to feel the feelings of the loss. It can be hard to do but someone once said to me “Melissa, your feelings can’t kill you, only your actions” I feel so drawn to tell you this and that it is OK to feel the feelings behind this loss and it is OK however you are grieving!
 
Let me address the question “Does he know and hear you?” YES! He is hearing everything you are saying to him, and what you are writing to him. He is all around you surrounding you with love and healing. A lot of times we talk and talk and so it is only common to wonder if anyone is really listening? Well, yes, and continue to talk to him and write to him. I am going to give you an exercises to do:
 
This is an Automatic Writing Exercise in two parts: Part 1-This is a great way to communicate with our loved ones. Start off by getting in a relaxed position and have pen and paper with you. Take some deep breaths so you can relax. Next, you will write your loved one a letter, whatever you want, whether it is something heavy on your mind, advice or even closure. After you are done writing your letter, you have a choice as to what to do next. You can immediately start the part 2 or you can walk away until you feel ready to do part 2. Part two- Sit and get in a relaxed position, take some deep breaths and call upon your loved one. You will wait until you feel their presence then when you are ready you will start to write a letter back to yourself from your loved one! This is a great exercise and the key is to practice and have FUN!
 
Just remember that you are not alone and your loved one is with you, so continue to remain open. The last thing that I get around this is I feel that one of your symbols from him is quarters! So just know that when you find quarters they are signs from above!
 
With Love,
Melissa

Jack’s Mom

Dear Melissa,

My beloved dog, Jack, passed away three years ago. He was sixteen years old and the love of my life. I miss him every day although I know his Spirit is always with me. I dream of him often and I talk to him all the time and always when I am cooking! He used to sit in the kitchen and watch me cook and now, whenever I cook, I always end up accidentally dropping some food I know that is a ‘wink’ to him that that food is his! I keep his ashes on a shelf in my living room. I wrapped his collar around the urn. In the past few weeks I have come home twice to see his collar on the ground in front of the shelf. This is very odd since the collar is literally wrapped around the urn and cannot easily fall off. Any insight into why this is happening? I feel it is a sign from him. Am I right?

Sincerely,
Jack’s mom

Dear Jack’s mom,
I want to start off by saying thank you for allowing me to connect with Jack, he is amazing. He is such an old soul with whole lot of spunk. You know the one thing that I have learned by communicating with animals is that they are all around us. They usually stay with us when they pass away until they make their way back into our lives. There is a special connection that we carry with our pets; they come into our lives to teach us whatever we need to learn at that time. When they pass they continue to stand by our sides. The really great thing is that you can still utilize them in that matter and make the connection.  I have found that our pets come into our lives several time throughout our current lifetime.

You feel that Jack has a message for you and you are spot on! I feel that he communicates with you all of the time and I feel that he still sits in your kitchen while you are cooking. But yes there is a bigger message. I feel that he is saying to you: I know that you have thought about getting a new pet, you think how much you miss me and then get filled with sadness and think, “I don’t want to go through that again”. “I know you are in a place of vacillating back and forth. My message to you is that I am ready to come back into your life when you are. I have been trying to let you know that I am ready. There is no pressure as you know when you need to do it; I just want you to know I am ready.”

Thank you Jack’s mom for letting me experience him, he is ready to come back into your life; however you have to feel 100% ready to have that happen again. He will not be the same temperament as your Jack was but it will be his spirit. Time will tell but just trust and know in your heart when you are ready, and when you are ready to go for walk he will be there!
Love,
Melissa

Stuck!

Dear Melissa,

My question has to do with my guy Mike. I have known him for three years and he is married so our friendship / relationship is not based on just sex but a bond and trust we have for each other. I don’t want to influence him in any way to leave his wife, that has to be his choice and in his time. Do I wait or go? My heart says wait, hang in there. My head tells me are you nuts! Where does his heart stand with me? And what does he really want? What do I need to learn while I am waiting?
Thank You! Stuck!
 
Dear Stuck!
 
I know that this must be a hard thing for you to be going through right now, so I want to start off by saying thank you for trusting in me and spiritual guidance to help you navigate this situation and help can see clearly. This is very delicate, so I want you to also know that there is no judgement on my part, just an open channel of love for you.
 
When I read this I definitely heard is that you are indeed “waiting” for this man because he is not available right now, nor is he in a position to be open for you in a relationship. But when I say to you that he is not available what I mean is that, yes, he might be married but that is not why he is unavailable. So lets shine some light on him.
 
I feel that he is unavailable in all of his relationships be it his marriage, with you, friends or family. He is a person that has a hard time making a commitment because he is afraid he will loose something if he commits. Why I feel this is important is because we need to take you out of the picture so you can see what he is going through and how he shows up in life. He feels like if he makes drastic changes in thinking it will solve problems but it never does. No matter what he thinks it does not hit the root of the issue for himself. I feel like one day he will make a choice for himself that is productive without spinning his wheels. I have the hope that he will get clear with himself and realize that he has to find his own answers to peace and happiness.
 
I feel that he does care about you and that he is as authentic as he can be with you. I also feel that you give him something that he is not able to receive from anyone else. There is a great connection between the two of you. However, it is a safe feeling that he has with you while he is unavailable. He does not have to worry about the commitment thing with you so you are safe. The reason I say this is because if he leaves his relationship, you need to make sure he has worked on himself or else he will recreate the same thing with you that he had with his wife.

 
As far as what he wants, he does not know. He wants to feel peace in his heart and until he stops searching everywhere else and starts looking inside himself he will not find it.
 
What do you need to learn? You need to ask yourself why you are putting your life on hold. Is there a safety you find with him because he is unavailable? I feel that you have a trend of dating men that are emotionally unavailable. So I feel what you need to learn during this time is what you truly want in life. What are you worth to yourself? Allow yourself to feel that your head and your heart and your gut are all in alignment. I feel like you need to look at your part in this waiting game and heal your past relationships. If he is ready or if you choose to let someone else in, you need to have your side of the street clean and be ready for an amazing relationship. You are worth it!
 
You both are amazing people, but you each need to heal your own lives and clean up both of your “baggage” before you can move on. The gift is that you both have an opportunity to heal and work on yourselves. Once the work is complete you can make clean decisions and potentially move in a GREAT direction.
 
Love,
Melissa

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY JEWELRY?

Dear Melissa,

In 1993 my grandmother had a stroke and fell into a coma that she did not recover from. I flew to Ohio to join my family at her deathbed. I brought with me most of the jewelry that she had given me. It included 3 rings, a necklace and a pair of earrings. I wore them during the week I was there, during which, she died at her home, with all of us family surrounding her, talking to her and holding her hands. Upon my return home, as I unpacked, I found that my jewelry was gone. I do not remember taking it off in Ohio, or packing it for the flight home. It was just gone. All the jewelry that I’d brought with me wasn’t gone, just the finer items that Grandma Blanche had given me. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY JEWELRY? It has been the big, heart-wrenching mystery of my life for the past 20 years. Please can you enlighten me on this matter?

Thank you and bless you,
WHAT HAPPENED TO MY JEWELRY?

Dear WHAT HAPPENED TO MY JEWELRY?

WOW! When I read this I had a lot of strong emotions. First, I felt how amazing it was that you were all able to be there with your grandmother. The love that I felt around the whole family being together was magical and the support amazing. She acknowledges that she had so much fear in her passing but that the united front that the family had formed helped her let go and cross over. She wants to really acknowledge that and say thank you!

As far as the jewelry, I can feel the energy of it on your body during that time. I also feel that there was a female there at that time that feels younger and not on a great path at the time. I get that she has addiction problems. I also feel that there was a lot of jealous energy around her as well. I hear the name ‘Marie’ as I am typing this message. The day before you left I feel that the jewelry did come off. I know that you said that you do not remember taking it off, but  I felt that you did. I felt that it was off over night. Now I also keep hearing a Thursday night around this as well. I feel that this women/girl took the jewelry. I feel that she took it for the money that she could receive for it. I also see that it was all in a spot on a little dark brown table/nightstand.

I know that you said you do not remember taking it off but I really feel that the energy at that time was intense and that it was such a powerful experience with the family. I see you taking it off because your skin felt irritated and I feel like it was due to the energy.

I know this is a lot of information, but let it sink in and see how it feels. Another thing you might want to try and do is before you go to bed, write down on a piece of paper “What happened to the jewelry?”.  Allow yourself to experience and remember in your open dream state! I hope this helps. I do feel that unfortunately the jewelry was taken to a pawn shop.
The final message that I feel from your grandma is, “It is OK that it is gone. You have a special part of me in your soul and spirit! You have something that nobody could ever take. I ask you to remember the time that was spent between you and I, like when you were a little girl playing dress up and putting lipstick on. Those are the memories we will always have!”

Love,
Melissa

 

Always Been Curious

Dear Melissa,

First of all, thanks!

I wonder for what reason did my Jack Russell Terrier (mix) come to me?

I met him at church – through my church’s pet ministry where they  save animals and then bring them out at the end of a service… almost 2 years  ago, when he was about 7 months old. He was named Rocky already and really is  adorable. There were a few signs that made me pay attention.

The problems are with other dogs, and his obsessive, high energy play that keeps us  from the dog parks. Even when walking (on leash) he’ll want to lurch out or bark  at some people and most dogs. I am going to address these behavior problems with  a trainer, tool, but just thought I’d share.

I’ve always been curious  about the little fella and his past, etc.

Thank you,

Always Been Curious

 

Dear Always Been Curious,

You know, when we come across a pet we often look at them and wonder “How did you find me?” Do they choose us or do we choose them? I find that the path of our beloved pets might be as simple as we are the the person to help them find their home, we may have had many past life connections or we just wanted a companion and found each other.

In the case of your Rocky, I feel like there iss a mix of reasons, so lets start out with your connection with him. I feel like you both needed each other at that time he came into your life and I feel that this is the first time this lifetime is the first time you have connected. Rocky had been tossed around in his short amount of time and I do not feel that he was abused, however, I do feel that he never really had any stability in his life. He needed to have a rock, a person that was patient, kind and loving to be able to work with him to be who he truly is. I also feel that he was taken from his mother and his litter mates too soon. As far as why you… well you have such a gentle soul and spirit! Plus, this is an important project for you as well. I feel that about 6 months before you found each other that you had a loss and a big transition.. it feels as though you had/have a void. So now he came into your life! He is a project for you in the sense that you can heal from that void as well as have a great pup!

Here is why he has problems: Like I said earlier, I feel like he was taken from his litter mates too soon so he never really learned how to be in a pack as well as how to interact with other dogs. In such a short amount of time being moved and taken from his mom he became extremely scared which in turn makes him a ” Fear Biter” or one who reacts aggressively out of fear. I feel the training would be great for him, but I will also give you some tool’s too!

1. Dog parks are not good for dogs! There are many reasons dog parks are not good. Mainly you are asking strange dogs to fit in a “different” pecking order each time they go to the park. Second, you are trusting that the other owners are responsible and all the dogs will get along. Imagine that you bring Rocky to the park, you are already nervous because of how he acts with others, then you have the energy of all the people there who are nervous or had a bad day and so on. So we have theses sensitive creatures all trying to “play” in all this energy, it is not good. So I say keep him out anyway!

2. His is obsessive because he needs to channel that energy! First I would say that he needs to go on at least 2 LONG walks a day. He is bored and anxious so it comes out as obsessive. He needs to be “working”. He needs to feel like he has a part to play in life! You can play games with him like hiding hot dogs pieces throughout the house and let him find them.

3. Work with him on the leach. Keep cut up tiny hot dog pieces with you and have him sit when other dogs come up with people. When he sits give him the hot dogs.

This will all take time, so you need to be the pack leader to help guide him. I really feel that this is the time for you to also heal yourself! You will be able to heal that part of you that went missing. You both are on an amazing path together! It will take time as well as trust. He chose you because he knows that you are his pack leader and you are the one who will help him be able to live a strong and healthy life!

I want to also tell you to not don’t get discouraged as it is important for you to stay strong and trust that he has an amazing purpose in your life! He will also have a strong and lovely impact on others. I feel like he will become your side kick! He needs to have trust and know that you are committed to him and that is why I say do not get discouraged because he can feel that! You are both on an amazing path so stay strong!!!!

In Mind,

Melissa

 

Family Feud

Dear Melissa,

Why is it that the death of a parent so often triggers bitter family issues? I have seen this on several occasions. The most recent was with my aunt and uncle. When my uncle passed his son stopped communication with his mother and sister and actually took them to court over the will. Since I stay in contact with his family, he does not talk to me and will only email if he needs to know something. We used to be as close as a brother and sister. I know this is not the only family to suffer from this type of situation after a death. Any insight would be appreciated. Thank you
Blessings and Love for you and your work. May your journey be as blessed as you have blessed others.
 
Thank You,
Family Feud
 
 
Dear Family Feud,
 
This is a great question. It is funny how when we are in the process of losing a loved one families come together and even unite in solidarity, however, when when the loved one actually passes it can be like someone flipped a switch and there is a WAR! 75% of the Mediumship readings I do clients share a story that is exactly like yours so I was so excited to look at this as it is so common. I decided to channel my guides and ask them to answer your question:
 
“This is a great lesson for you all, the human attachment to each other is amazing to watch. You love each other, hate each other, are jealous, betray, honor….you do so many things with and to each other. The hardest thing for you to do is that which you do not do often enough– unconditionally love and forgive.”

I speak of this because when we look at the son and father in question we see that they had a struggle in life together as did the mother and son. There where many hurts the son had. Now imagine all that resentment inside of you and how you might feel owed for having not been valued or loved and having endured a lot of hate. When his father died he had an array of emotions–he was happy, sad, devastated and mad. All the anger and feelings he had toward his father came to the surface. He had these same feelings toward his mother doubling the effect. Since this was an unresolved issue for him at the time of their death, and he sat with the guilt and resentment, he took the hatred and anger out on others…the family.”
 
“It is best to look at it like this: If you leave things in your life unresolved with others it can stay with you forever. It is best to resolve situations around you especially with family. When you experience the death of a family member every human emotion possible comes to light. Those emotions mix with unresolved relationships and you get fighting over money, property or whatever the human thinks they are “owed”.
 
“Through this experience, take advantage of sharing what I speak and look at your relationships in your life with family and resolve what needs to be resolved. Your spirit can never be alive until you reach a place of unconditional love and forgiveness!”
 
WOW, that was amazing! Thank you so much for a great question! I hope this shines a light of clarity for you!
 
In Mind,
Melissa Frei

In a Beautiful Urn, she rests...

In a Beautiful Urn, she rests… 
 
Dear Melissa! I have a question. When a loved ones passes and they are cremated, is it a coincidence which family member’s house the remains end up staying at. So I, out of our family just ended up with my loved ones ashes in a beautiful urn that was created for her out of porcelain and hand painted, but I am curious if there is a particular reason if she/my family member that passed chose to be here at my home in her urn? 

Thank you,
In a Beautiful Urn, she rests….
 
 
Dear In a Beautiful Urn, she rests…..
 
WOW, what an amazing question! Before we get started I have to tell you that I took a look at the amount of energy that is around you and it is absolutely beautiful. This is the first time that I have ever been asked this question, so I sat with it and meditated on it for 6 days. I know it sounds like a lot but what I wanted to do was to go very deeply into my communication with my spiritual team on the other side to get the answers to this question!
 
The following information in quotation marks is channeled from my guides:

“People often wonder what happens to the spirit in the crossing over process, whether the spirit cares if they are cremated or buried. It is simply up to the humans. Once the spirit is free from the human body it no longer has attachment to the physical body, the choice to cremate or bury is up to the loved ones. It is for the human and what they need in their life for closure.”

 
“When a person is cremated then what happens to the remains or where they go is unusually up to the humans. Sometimes if there is someone in the family who is having a hard time or not dealing with or coping with the loss the spirit will surround them and everyone in the family might want that human to have the remains.”
 
“Your situation is different. There is a connection between you and the spirit that goes way back. You both are so deeply connected by the bond of the gifts you posses. You two are more similar than you may think. She is here in spirit form to help you connect. She helped the urn come to you for a reminder to you. You have great gifts inside, you have passions that you are afraid to follow and she is here to help you navigate through any fears and live your passions. You will feel her presence around you as she is now here to help guide you. The place where she rests is in your home for you to have a reminder!”
 
I hope this helps. You have a great gift and from what I experienced during my channeling session, your life is just beginning! You can call upon her to help you in your life! START living your dreams! Don’t be afraid! You have support!
 
In Mind,
Melissa